An Outsiders Guide To Scousers
You can tell a scouser apart from a crowd by the way he is trying to break into the most expensive looking car.This is a typical scouser. As You can see, He has an abnormally low forehead and a permanent scowl. They are generally very ugly with large protrusions from the side of the head called "lugs". Many other people could confuse them for ears but do not say this as it will confuse and probably anger the scouser leading to death.
Der pewl used ter 'uv a large port, but this wuz bladdered in me gotchies. der pewl dun entied de dark ages whuz de only means o' communication wi' neighbo'n villages, st 'elens, wigan and warrington wuz by messenger goat. de goats preferred ter eat de messages rather than deliver dem.
The old liverpudlians luv there hay, and they find it a very nutritious drink. Many a Liverpudlian has had a heafty long drink, while watching Liverpool Cricket Club playing football in the Ashes. It wuz not until 1851 dat this system wuz replaced wi' de royal mail, and der pewl could communicate wi' de outside wirld.
Alvaro I'll-Blow-Ya Notable for being equally shit no matter what position he plays in, meaning he can easily plug a gap in the team should the manager be missing a regular shit player due to injury or suspension.
Jamie Carragher An immensely talented and inventive player, has scored an amazing 3 goals in just 13 years, along with over 15,000 own goals. Retired from international duty after realising that there were 75 better candidates for his position, including Steve Bruce and Willy Wonka. Fuck him and his Everton tattoos, ha! (LMFAO!!!!)
Dirk Shite Liverpool's third most beloved Dutchman, after Goldmember and the guy who invented LSD. Man United bought Van Nistelrooy; Liverpool bought this shit heap. How do you like them apples? Once blasted the ball over the bar from 3 yards, then broke his own record and did it from 2 yards just ten minutes later. The fag.
Fernando Torres Looks like a poofball, complete with blond piss-streaks in his hair. Scored a few goals in his first season, leading Liverpool fans to blithely believe that he can't fail do so again and again, for years to come. After all, didn't Robbie Fowler have a great career? And Michael Owen too? Hey look! Up there - is that a piano falling?
âLiverpool are the best Spanish club in the Premier Leagueâ
~ Some drunk guy in Liverpool city centre
Jamie's Car Agger - Never stepped out of Liverpool once. Is widely seen as the scousest scouser since Yosser Hughes. Jacked a few cars in his time. Popular with the fans. Less pace than a distracted mountain goat, and less articulate. After realising he wasn't good enough to play for England, he did the honourable thing and retired, saving the manager the trouble of not picking him. But if your a Liverpool fan he is probably the greatest defender in the world, who loves to try an pull off other mens shirts and riding Daniel Agger.
Fandango Tossehs Joined Liverpool for 2000 pounds of Spanish gold and Senorita Benitez's hand in marriage. Noted for being the Mousers' 178th "final piece in the jigsaw", the fabled chosen one with the hopeless task of restoring the glory days (cf. Nigel "my name's not Brian for fuck's sake" Clough, Dribble Sissy, Stan Gollygosh and Harry "Leeds reject" Kewl). According to official Liverpool FC records he scored 2831 goals in 30 games in his debut season. Those who doubt the accuracy has their cars jacked and get locked in a room for 5 secondss with Mrtn Skrtl. Thats all the time he needs.
5 European Cups and 39 murders
Sorry for the long post, but this is as funny as shit. Liverpool got called the Mickey Mouse Club lol...